


Weighed Upon

by WatchforWitches



Series: Whumptober 2019 [14]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad Magnus, Whumptober 2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-23 17:15:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21084959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WatchforWitches/pseuds/WatchforWitches
Summary: Magnus' new powerless reality hits him hard, and sometimes things can't be fixed or helped





	Weighed Upon

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Still trying to catch up with these prompts, this work is for the prompts pinned down and "stay with me"  
I hope you enjoy!

Alec was just trying to help. Magnus knew this, of course. He was altruistic to a fault somedays, and especially more recently with Magnus not having magic. He was just trying to help.

Sometimes, things just can't be helped. Magnus had learned that early on in the days of his immortal life.

Magnus felt a weight beyond anything he'd ever felt. He got caught in the reality he was stuck in, it was pinning him down, and he didn't know what to do. Not having magic was like having a limb removed, like having all his limbs removed. It was the most unknown he's ever felt in his own body. It was something that should be there, but wasn't, a hole in a part of him he couldn't see or name.

Alec was currently laying next to him, facing away, soft snores filling the room letting Magnus know he was asleep. He couldn't sleep, everytime he closed his eyes he could see Alec laying on the ground dying, could feel the way the magic drained from his body with the final spell. The way that everything awful had settled like this.

He can't stop the tears that start to fall down his face, can't stop his body from shaking with the tremors of the pain. He's never been good at compartmentalizing, not things like this. He can hide, can fake a smile, can put on his grand persona, but it's always on his mind.

_This is only the immtediate aftermath_ he tries to reason to himself, _I'm just not used to it._

The words aren't comforting, even from his own head. He curls his legs up, curving himself away from Alec, willing himself to be smaller. He tries to muffle the noise of his crying in the blankets.

Of course, it doesn't work.

Magnus feels the bed shift, and moments later feels Alec's arms around him, pulling him closer. He doesn't ask anything, doesn't ask if he's alright, and Magnus has never been happier for the silence between them. If Alec were to ask, Magnus doesn't know what he would tell him.

He doesn't ask, he just holds him, curling his whole body around him. Magnus cries then, shakes hard with the weight of this. He's afraid, and it's the first time he lets himself realize that's what it really is. Fear. Of the unknown, or of running out of time, or of losing who he's been for centuries. He doesn't know how to be this, doesn't know who he is now that this piece of him was gone. He forces himself to focus on the steady breathes from the chest pressed into his back. Forces himself to remember why he had done what he had did, that Alec was here and alive and that counted for something.

It doesn't fix it, it makes it easier, but it doesn't fill the void that only magic ever filled in him.

"Magnus," Alec's voice breaks the silence, it's tentative and quiet, and Magnus can feel the reverberations of it. "What can I do?"

Magnus closes his eyes and takes a shaky breath. He's been dreading this question truly. Because there isn't anything that Alec can _do_, everything has already been done. Alec's a shadowhunter, always been eager to help, to fix things when he can. But he can't fix this, no matter how much Magnus wishes he could.

"Stay with me," Magnus says after several moments of silence. His voice is shot, the tears still unshed make his words come out watery and wrong, he sounds weak and tired and like every year he's ever lived is caught up to him. "Just stay."

Alec squeezes him tightly at this, daring to place a kiss on the base of Magnus' skull. "Of course," he says it with an exasperated obviousness, "Magnus of course. I'm not going anywhere."

If that makes several more tears fall silently down Magnus' cheeks, he'd never say. In the morning, Magnus will untangle himself from Alec's hold, he will shower and do his hair and makeup, Madzie will be over and take Magnus' mind off of things. In the morning he can go back to being Magnus Bane, whatever that means now. Magnus Bane, sans magic, and still trying to figure out what that means.

But right now he's just Magnus Bane, whose without magic and sad and grieving something he thought he would never lose.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos/Comments/Feedback are all welcome and greatly appreciated!


End file.
